Tom Kunst was known to all as a friend, but to a treasured few; beloved husband, father and Papa. Tom died tragically while doing something he loved, training on his bicycle. Over the years, Tom became an avid competitor. Competition soon became a family affair, often including his wife and sons. Tom loved being with his family, pushing himself physically and being out in God’s creation.
Lately we find ourselves in spaces that feel upended and abnormal. Nothing feels routine or familiar. We have adapted, adjusted and let go of things that seem an impossibility. But where does that leave grief? Where does that leave this family who tragically loses its patriarch?
In the last weeks we have listened to families express “its not our fault that mom died during a national crisis”. They want to gather for support with their family and friends. They want to have an event that marks the significance of a life. They want to be able to share their grief with others…. But social distancing changes our traditions. We face this frustration with families as we try to balance the basic needs for mourning and the present reality of social distancing. We can work with you to find options that meet your immediate needs with the limits of our current situation.
Sure, we love a good BBQ and picnic to kick off the summer as much as anyone else, but in our work we’ve been deeply affected by the stories of the veterans in our community. We’re proud and humbled to host this annual Community Memorial Picnic in their collective honor, and we love seeing generations come together to share stories and recognize those among us who served our country so faithfully.
Every year we'll purchase an ornament for our grief tree for people that we lost who are important to us. As we add new ornaments to our grief tree, we'll have a tangible way to see how many years we'll live through this grief. Grief is part of who we are and what we own now, and that grief tree is a symbolic of who we are now.
This, and 4 other ways to include remembering loved ones as part of your Christmas traditions.
“We were here at Grand Coney since 2004, the first week they opened. We’ve been here a long time. When they opened it was something new so we decided to try it, and we’ve been here pretty much ever since,” recounts Dale. They spent the last of their 10,000 breakfasts tradition together here.
Dozens of family and friends gathered at the church to remember and celebrate Eileen, a longtime special education teacher for Grand Rapids Public Schools, a world traveler, a teddy bear collector (she had at least one or a dozen bears in every room of her house) and an avid reader (she read all the way through her library's selection of books up through the letter "M").
Almost every day someone tells me, “I don’t want any type of service when I die.” And I immediately think to myself (and sometimes actually say), “What if it’s not about you? What if a memorial service exists for the living, not for the deceased? For your family, your friends, your community members?”
We had the privilege of speaking about green burials last night at Making Choices Michigan, a local non-profit organization that helps people determine their end-of-life preferences, document those preferences in an advance directive (AD) and develop a system for storing and retrieving the AD.
Something that we encourage families to consider is whether a graveside ceremony or service could be included in the memorial planning. Families who’ve included this element have found value in it, and here’s some of the reasons why:
1. Taking the Final Step – Going to the cemetery as a family isn't necessarily about words spoken or the amount of time spent there; it is about taking this final step and accompanying a loved one to their final earthly resting place. Additionally, this place that is often visited in the future is framed with this memory of a meaningful experience there.
2. Community Acknowledgment – When our community recognizes and has to yield for a funeral procession, or even when they pass by a cemetery and see a crowd gathered there, it causes them to stop for a moment and acknowledge the loss of life. Supporting those who’ve experienced a loss begins by acknowledging a loss, and a graveside service is a poignant and meaningful step in that process.
3. Military Honors – Honors can be conducted at the funeral home or church, but there is something uniquely meaningful about conducting graveside military honors. The flag-draped casket rests in natural surroundings, and the flag is folded and presented with family and friends closely gathered round at a graveside ceremony.
4. A Final Message to Send – We offer families an opportunity to write a final message on the casket. We provide markers for children to trace their hand, draw a picture, or leave a short note, and families who’ve experienced this have commented that these acts of closure are simultaneously a step forward in the healing process.
5. Witness an Interment – Watching a casket being lowered into the ground is important to some families, and it is a somber yet solemn experience that can be profoundly meaningful.
There certainly may be circumstances that warrant a delayed or unattended burial. However, we do encourage each family to also consider the benefits of accompanying their loved one to their place of final rest because we’ve heard the positive benefits of doing so from those who’ve included this as part of their loved one’s memorial.
